Using drugs nowadays would be a real buzz kill. Since leaving Gulf Breeze Recovery I’ve found a happiness and peace in my life that is better than the best drink I ever had, or drug I ever used. I thought life without using would be dull and ordinary and couldn’t imagine not having the next “high” to look forward to if I stopped all my use. Truth is, using IS fun and exciting. That’s what we do it for right? I mean, who would ever use drugs or drink if it wasn’t great at first? Using makes you feel good, covers up insecurities, pain, fear, and makes life enjoyable and carefree. All of these things are true until you eventually and unavoidably hit…. (to use Pink Floyd’s album name)…”The Wall”. Anyone who uses long enough like I did will certainly come in contact with “The Wall" that begins to block every benefit that we thought “getting our buzz on” had to offer. If you’re reading this...You know what I’m talking about! “The Wall" of built up tolerance where more and more is required. “The Wall” that stops and blocks friendships, family relationships, success at work or school, and continuity of hobbies and activities we once found peaceful and rewarding without help from any kind of substance. “The Wall” that halts our ability to enjoy the “little things” and the simple pleasures that life has to offer us every moment if we are just open to it. If we can live in the“now” without the clutter of all our thoughts surrounding not only our substance abuse, but all of our thinking that comes from an ego based self that thrives and stays alive through petty comparisons to others, fear of losing something, “being right”, having beliefs, and living in a past and/or future that is only a projected illusion.
If any of this sounds absurd to you, then I know my writing is on the right track for you. Something inside you knows there’s some truth here. When Gulf Breeze Recovery taught me that every feeling and experience I have in my life comes from my own ability to create with my own thinking, I was caught off guard too. How could that be? I’m 39 years old and have lived my whole life believing that all the events and circumstances outside of me determined how I felt, what kind of day I had, who was to blame, what mood I was in, and how happy or unhappy I was. How dare they tell ME that I’ve been doing this to myself all these years! How dare they tell me that I’m in control of how I feel about……..wait a minute…..I’m in control of how I feel and all of my experiences in life?……..And there it was….the truth that had been in front of me my whole life, so simple, yet so elusive. I was supposed to be looking inside for every answer for myself. It all starts there. What an insight…what a liberating discovery…..what an Inside/Out Revolution for me.
Since my stay at Gulf Breeze Recovery, my life is not back to the way it was before my drug use….it’s way better. Within just a few short months, I was back in good with my family, my friendships were restored, and I’m enjoying my life every moment with a new set of eyes to view my world with. See, my addiction was just a symptom of a bigger problem. Some people have eating disorders, some people have gambling issues, some people have sex addictions, and some people use their intelligence to demean or criticize others to make themselves temporarily feel better. The problem is, just like drug use, these efforts to “cover up” our real issues are only a temporary false sense of well being. But, the truth to every "so called” addiction is a fundamental misunderstanding of how our brains and bodies work together to create our experience in life. Gulf Breeze Recovery helped me to uncover a true sense of well being that has no end, as well as an understanding of life for me that was there the whole time. My life will never be the same. There’s no unknowing what I know now and I am so grateful to their management and staff for helping me find the most important self discovery that anyone can have.
Now, I am at the mercy of nothing outside of myself for my daily adventures in life. Nothing happens “to me” anymore. Things just happen and I determine how I want to feel about them which is no longer filled with a roller coaster of emotions, only an acceptance of every event for what it is….and I’m just along for the ride. So, I figure……why not make it a playground? It’s way more fun than a Wall.